


Journal of a Survivor

by Dizzaster



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Language, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Violence, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 22:53:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dizzaster/pseuds/Dizzaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A zombie-esque story, the journal (and exploits) of a teenager trying to survive the zombies roaming the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was quickly written, and very roughly done, and I won't be editing it, but previous places I have posted it seemed to like it so... Enjoy!

**January 1 st, 2012**

_According to my watch, it is a brand new year. Big deal. Another year of spending my nights huddled alone in a closet, fearing for my life. I guess it also means I’ll be turning eighteen in a few weeks. Well, more like a few months. February 29 th, a bloody leap year date. What the hell kind of date of birth is this? This new year also means I’ve been holed up inside this stupid supermarket for nearly eight months now. I don’t want to remember how I ended up here, not anymore. It’s hard to forget and I’m constantly reminded of it with the fact that I am unable to leave. I hear them more at night than any other time, but they are always out there. My radio has been crackling lately but there have been no voices and I don’t want to even get my hopes up about there being others outside these walls who are still alive._

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Raen brushed a hand through his chocolate colored hair, leaning back against the small closet he had hidden himself away in. The smaller the room, the safer Raen felt in this time of insanity. There wasn’t a time of day when he didn’t think about what was lurking outside of the shopping center he had holed himself up in. The brunette stared at the small, battery powered radio that was resting beside him, stroking his fingers over the glossy surface. This was his only link to the outside world, and it wasn’t working in the way he was hoping for. No voices had come over the radio for several months, even the emergency broadcast signal had ended a month into the, well, Raen wasn’t sure what to call what was currently happening.

“I suppose invasion is a pretty good word, though it all started with a stupid error in judgment and complete stupidity on the governments behalf,” Raen mumbled to himself, pulling his knees up against his chest. The once smooth bindings of his journal were now rough and starting to fall apart, but he found it a comfort to keep it close to him. There was always another journal waiting to be filled, all he needed to do was walk himself down the stationary isle and choose one that appealed to him. His current journal was the exact same one he had been writing in when he left home in search of a safe place to survive, or perhaps he had just been hungry and hadn’t known that an invasion had begun. Either way, his journal was one of his last ties to his home, and the family that he hadn’t seen in such a long time. Raen had no way of knowing if his family was alive, or if they had been taken by the monsters outside.  Such thoughts were honestly something Raen didn’t want to think about, but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to forget, ever. The world was constantly changing from day to day, and Raen was growing more and more distant from what he used to call the real world.

“Come on…Just one voice…Just some small proof that I’m not alone…That I’m not going crazy by sitting here, listening to this damn radio.” The longer he was cut off from the outside world, the more Raen found himself talking as though there was another person in the room with himself. Or in his mind. Talking to himself was something that was happening more and more, especially after his first two months within the grocery store. This was one fact that was clearly bothering the teenager, as he was starting to think he was going insane.

**January 4 th, 2012**

_I remember reading in the newspaper and on the internet about how this all came about, how it all happened and why I’m trapped in this stupid store. The details are becoming a little hazy in my mind but I know it all started with a computer virus. That much is clear to me. The article seems to get clearer in my mind when I lay in the closet at night, trying to think of anything but the death of my friends and family. That article seems to be posted in every corner of this building, I‘ll copy it down, more for my own record than anything else._

_One that no one had ever encountered before and they had no idea how to stop it. Personal computers didn’t seem to be affected, while highly confidential and overly secured computers were reporting infection and weird occurrences. There were no missing files, no blue screens with error messages and no computers turning off when they weren’t expected to. The virus simply seemed to sit quietly within the programming, minding it’s own business until it turned the computers on at random. This strange powering up only seemed to be happening at night and while it didn’t appear to be affecting the programs within the computer in any way, the virus was going exactly what it had been programmed to do. Each time it turned on at night, the virus would browse through all the confidential files, unlocking anything that might be essential to its creators quest. It was retrieving codes and passwords, unlocking computer controlled doors and giving its creator access to the building. All this had been orchestrated so the creator could gain access to the most important medical research labs and rid each and every one of them of any biological that could be used to start another disease ridden war. The virus was self adapting so it would be able to evade and outwit anyone who tried to destroy it. This led to the virus getting ahead of its creator, opening the wrong locks and turning off the freezers that kept possible biological weapons at bay. Vials of viral cells and hazardous materials shattered as the freezing was shut off and freezer doors popped open, exposing the vials to a rapid change in temperature. A fog crept across the floor of the laboratory, evading the warning sensors, drifting under the doors and out of the small room through the ventilation system. No one could have foreseen what was about to happen, and the consequences for the earth._

_Who knew, right? One little program error and all of a sudden the world is in conflict and people are dying…and then they rise from where they fell, feasting on the flesh of those still living._

_I don’t want to remember anymore._

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Raen closed his journal once again, groaning out loud in complete frustration. It took all of his self control to keep from picking up the radio beside himself and heaving it against the wall. He was sick of hearing the static that came over the radio waves, but not hearing any sort of sign of life. The nearly eighteen year old teenager had vowed to stop talking to himself, mostly in order to keep from going completely crazy. Such a vow had resulted in many groans, shouts, and out bursts of anger towards anything that was close to him. Taking a deep breath, Raen tried to focus himself by forcing his body into a form of meditation he had once seen on the television, back when his life wasn’t turned upside down.

“Okay…Deep breaths…In…Out…In…Out…” Not talking to himself had lasted nearly twenty-four hours, but Raen knew it wasn’t something he was going to be able to continue doing.

**January 12 th, 2012**

_No power means no heat, and it’s not like I can start a fire to keep myself warm. Supermarkets carry food and only the essentials. Blankets aren’t an essential apparently, at least, not in this stupid place. My supplies have held out well for eight months, except the frozen and fresh foods of course. When I still had power, I would eat the frozen dinners from the freezers. There’s a microwave in the staff lounge, not that it’s of any use any more. Power only lasted a few months (maybe three) and then everything went dark. Including my outlook on survival._

_In the beginning I would watch the news programs on a crappy, tiny little television in the lounge, even if all the thing would pick up was one channel farmer vision. When people went into hiding, fearing for their lives, I listened to small, choppy little broadcasts on a small FM radio I found in a box of cereal. It must have been a prize or something, I don’t remember anymore. Now the radio doesn’t even work anymore._

_All static._

_No hope._

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The brunette’s small body was shaking slightly from the lack of heat. Raen had curled himself into the corner of his small closet, hugging his arms around his shivering body in an effort to conserve heat and keep himself warm. He was aware that it wasn’t truly that cold outside, but that didn’t make much of a difference when there wasn’t any heat inside the building.

“I…hate winter…” Raen muttered, closing his eyes tightly as he pulled his knees tighter against his chest. The radio was still crackling softly beside his head, and if he hadn’t been so cold, Raen would have reached out to turn it off.

“Shut up…Shut up…If you aren’t going to bring me hope…then stop the bloody crackling!” Raen was aware that his voice echoed ever so slightly in the room, making the brunette wince. Loud noises wasn’t something he wanted to hear when enclosed in the tiny closet, especially when the cold was giving him something along the lines of a brain freeze type of headache.

**January 17 th, 2012**

_I must be going crazy because I can’t get out of this place anymore. No windows, those have been blocked up so they can’t get inside. The only way to the roof is via an outside ladder which isn’t any help to me at all. But I hear things at night, more than the normal “zombie groaning” I hear all the time. I hear whispers of voices, almost like trapped words inside smooth, polished walls (how poetic) and I know that I am alone in this building. I have been for many months. I thought maybe it was the radio, but I turn that off at night so I don’t imagine I hear things in the static. My over active, nearly eighteen year old, imagination tells me I’m hearing the ghosts of those who have died. My more morbid side of imagination says the zombies are learning how to speak and they want to lure me outside to a gruesome death. I don’t want to let myself keep thinking like that._

_Why has no one invented a battery powered cooking element? One can only eat so much canned ham!_

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“Nasty food…I hate canned food…” Raen muttered to himself, jamming a plastic spoon into a can of what looked to be tuna. It wasn’t the best food in the world, but it was quick and easy, and didn’t involve him trying to use a candle to heat up the food. While candles would also provide him with much needed heat, Raen knew that food was more important at the current moment. Talking to himself was becoming more common, and while Raen regretted his actions, he knew that it wasn’t honestly harming anyone when he did it. Not that there was anyone else around him, of course. There was always the chance of someone  coming and finding him, or him discovering someone else, and if and when that time came, Raen wasn’t going to be perceived as being insane.

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_There’s something about being alone that truly makes a person feel as though they are going insane. I really don’t know how much more of this I can take, even though I have a feeling that this is going to last a very long time. Flesh eating dead people who rose up to start slaughtering people have to be a sign of the impending doom of the world, right? My body is so very tired, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get a decent nights rest. I don’t know if it’s the voices I keep hearing, or think I keep hearing, or maybe even the groaning from the monsters outside. I suppose I could blame it on the disgusting weather here, and the fact that I can’t keep myself warm to save my life. Well, to save my life yes, but nothing under that!_

_I just want to sleep and be at peace. I want this stupid apocalypse to be over._

**January 20 th, 2012**

_I have to get out of here. Yeah, supplies are good and I know I’m safe but I need to be able to see the outside world! And I’m cold damnit! A lost and found bin only offers so much clothing, and it’s only gloves, hats and one jacket that’s too small for me! I would have taught myself to knit with the “How to…” books in the magazine aisle but this place doesn’t carry yarn!_

_It’s getting dark…The voices are going to come and haunt me again… Maybe the static would be a good distraction this time…_

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Raen shivered slightly, despite the sweater he was wearing, his toes curling in the hard leather of his running shoes. His journal offered him no heat what so ever, and the could was enough to keep him from falling asleep. The brunette had closed his eyes nearly an hour earlier, but his mind was focused on hearing what ever he could through the static on the radio. All Raen wanted was some assurance that he wasn’t alone, some proof that there were other survivors and a way to get to a safe place.

“It’s all a bad dream…One day I’ll wake up and I’ll have been in a coma…That’s all this is…” Raen told himself, tucking his fingers under his arm pits in an attempt to warm them. Such actions only resulted in his cold finger tips causing his body to begin to shake ever so much more violently. The teenager could compare the cold of the building to having once fallen through thin ice on the local lake; ice cold, yet the longer he was in the water, the more accustomed his body became, lulling him into a false sense of security. Maybe sleep wasn’t such a good idea anymore, but without sleep, he would never be ready should anything attack him.

**January 21 st, 2012**

_I swear there are voices on the radio. It’s not insanity from being deprived from any human contact, it really isn’t._

_I’m way too young to have survived this long on my own…_

_Something is inside the building with me, I’m sure of it. One of the large pop machines covering the small, broken window in the lounge was pushed forward, enough for a body to slip inside. I must have noticed it right away because it didn’t look like the zombies outside knew (don’t want to keep that “they are learning” train of thought at this moment) they had a way inside. I’ve done a sweep of the building but it isn’t hard to hide in a place like this. Maybe I’ll take another look. If it’s a live person who has gotten in, they have to have taken notice of the fact that I’m living here._

_(Just a little back story, in case anyone finds this journal and I have some how became famous)_

_In the beginning, between getting stuck in this place and the power going out, I had to find a way to get rid of rotting fruits, vegetables, bread and what not (I couldn’t eat it all before it went bad) in some way other than going outside. At first, the trash compacter in the back of the building was perfect for this little maneuver, as well as for getting rid of any other garbage I might have had. It didn’t take long for the scent of rotting food to attract those flesh eaters outside and I had to seal up the compactor before they could get inside. It didn’t matter much at that time anyways, most of the fresh food had already rotted and what little was left was what I had to deal with. I made a choice to pile it all in the staff bathroom (including my garbage). To combat the growing smell, I raided the cleaning supply aisle and tossed as many non-aerosol air fresheners as I could on top of the mess and then closed the door. The smell was easily leaking through the cracks between the door frame and the door itself so I used what ever ‘caulking’ materials I could find to fill in all of the holes, and then I layered on duct tape over the gunk. From that point on, I never had a problem with the smell._

_As I was going another round to see if anyone was indeed in the store, I noticed the smell of horribly rotten garbage and trust me, six or more months of things rotting in a sealed room is a bad thing. It didn’t take a closer look at the door to discover that someone is indeed inside my building. Who ever they are, they peeled back a layer of duct tape and even removed a large chunk of the sealing stuff. The smell must have driven them back because they tried to stick the duct tape back down and there were chunks of sealant on the floor. I re-sealed the door as best as I could and hung nearly thirty of those car air fresheners around it._

_Now I’m heating soup with one of my last few candles and wondering how I’m going to find this intruder. Sleep isn’t going to come easy tonight, even if I’m locked away in my closet. I don’t want to be ambushed and slaughtered in my sleep, I really don’t._

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The smell from the sealed off section of the grocery store was enough to make Raen rub madly at his nose before he fumbled for a jar of overly strong medication that was used to open ones nasal passages. The brunette would argue that the scent of the over powering lotion type product was a better smell than the rotting garbage. It seemed to permeate every inch of his clothing and Raen, despite being worried about what was possibly in the store with him, was beginning to consider venturing out into the cleaning isle to find himself some sort of air freshener. Why he hadn’t done such a thing when he was last in said isle was a complete mystery, something Raen blamed on being an absent minded teenager in the middle of a crisis.

“Last thing I need is to get my ass murdered when I’m spraying deodorizer all over myself,” he muttered, stirring his can of soup with a plastic spoon, willing it to heat up. Warm food meant he was using a candle, and secluded in the small closet with a candle meant the tiny area was gaining as much heat as was possible. It was a small fact, but that alone made Raen feel slightly better, despite the smell on his clothes and in his nose. All he had to do was make sure that he slept lightly enough that nothing could sneak up on him during the night.

**January 22 nd, 2012**

_Some of my more vitamin rich food is missing from my stash in the lounge, stocked in the cupboards because it’s vital to keeping me healthy. Cupboards being opened and closed means it’s a live, breathing, non-infected human who is in this building. I don’t know why they haven’t approached me yet, but I know it can’t be because they don’t know I’m here. It’s pretty obvious. I mean, I went around yesterday calling out to the store to see if anyone else was around. I’m not some zombie wandering around looking for my next victim! I talk, I walk normally, I’m eating real food and living in a building that’s blocked up from the inside! Who ever this person is, they’re stupid to not come out and fess up that they’re stealing my supplies and nearly exposed an opening to the dead outside._

_The radio doesn’t even have static anymore, just dead air which is even more disturbing than the supposed voices I’m hearing. At least when there was static, I had hopes that someone’s radio transmitter was still functioning. Now that it’s just dead air…I don’t know if I can be hopeful anymore. I mean, yeah, someone is running around my building and may just be an asset to survival, but they have to at least come to me!_

_Sitting here, waiting to be discovered by the damn food thief is boring as living hell. Wait, I’m in a living hell. But yes, I am sitting on the lounge table, awaiting the person who keeps stealing my food. I’m ever so slightly out of sight of the door so when they come in, they won’t see me right away. Maybe I should have brought a net or something, but I don’t want to terrify the person more than they probably already are. I mean, they have to be scared if they’re sneaking around me, right?_

_Why am I keeping this journal again?_

_Wait…I hear footsteps…Ah, the power of a concrete floor. It destroys your back but it’s amazing for hearing people sneaking up on you._

**January 22 nd, 2012**

**Later in the day**

_So…Well…It was a boy. A teenager really. Well, not a real teenager. He’s a little older than me, I think he said nineteen. Hang on, let me ask._

_I’m talking to my bloody journal like it’s a person…_

_Yes, nineteen. He’s nineteen. Blonde hair, brown eyes. He’s a little taller than me, so, maybe like five foot ten? I’m about five foot eight, but I’m still growing. Then again, I haven’t been measured since all of this began, so maybe I’ve grown. His name is Xander. What kind of name is Xander? Who names their kid Xander anyways?_

_I’m still talking to this journal like it’s a person._

_He wants to read my journal, like maybe I’ve written some amazing work or discovered a cure or something. I’m not that smart, at least, I don’t think I am._

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“So…how long have you been in this store?” Raen lifted his head from his journal to peer at the blonde sitting across from him, taking note of his dirty, blood stained clothes and shaggy hair.

“How long have you been sneaking around in this store and why didn’t you just tell me you were here? It’s not like I resemble one of those stupid zombies trying to eat brains out there!” Raen retorted, closing his journal and keeping it close to his chest. The last thing he wanted was this random, nearly adult, male to go flipping through his personal thoughts. Earlier entries in the journal were horribly personal, and Raen didn’t want Xander, if that was his real name, to be reading such things.

“I’m sorry. The stench from that bathroom on the west side was enough to rattle my brain,” Xander shot back. Raen rolled his eyes, drumming his finger tips on the face of his journal.

“Yeah, it was sealed off for a reason. You aren’t the brightest person in this building, are you?”

“Hey now, that’s uncalled for! I thought maybe you had been able to trap one of the flesh eaters in the bathroom!” Raen blinked at Xander as though he had gone insane, staring at the young male in front of him.

“So you wanted to let it out then? You haven’t been on your own very long, have you?” Xander shrugged his shoulders, pulling dirty knees against his chest.

“I escaped out of the ward down on Brinning Street last week when one of the zombies must have set off the emergency escape procedures. It’s a large button in the main security room and I bet they swarmed the guards who were watching us.”

“So you’re mental?”

“They call it ‘unstable’ in the ward.”

“Are you going to murder me in my sleep?”

“I’m not mental! I was a nurse there.”  Raen shook his head with a sigh. He had already noticed that Xander hadn’t brought any sort of supplies with him, especially not blankets or his own food.

“You are the most complicated person I have ever met, and for some reason, I’m starting to regret ever meeting you. I should have just tossed you back out through the window you broke in through,” Raen muttered to himself, running a hand through his own slightly shaggy hair. At least being surrounded by beauty supplies meant he could keep his hair brushed. After the first month of not being able to wash his hair, Raen had discovered that his hair had found it’s own balance and was keeping itself moderately clean.

“You’re just cruel. I think you’re hot.”

“What?!” Raen jumped to his feet, his journal thumping down onto the floor beneath him.

“What kind of sick jokes are you trying to pull on me?!” Xander shrugged his shoulders once more and moved to his feet as well.

“I’m not kidding you, playing a joke on you, or generally screwing with your mind. I’ve been surrounded by mental patients and ugly security guards for the last eight months. You are incredibly hot and I’d love to shag you,” Xander answered truthfully, grinning as he looked Raen up and down. He didn’t give the brunette in front of him time to give any sort of a response before he tackled Raen back against the table. Xander pressed his lips against Raen’s, quickly pressing one of his knees between Raen’s thighs. He wasn’t going to give the beautiful young male under him any chance to protest, especially when Xander hadn’t had sex in the last year.


	2. Chapter 2

**January 23 rd, 2012**

_Okay, honestly, I had never thought that I would be attracted to another man. Really! I never thought of such things, let alone did I think that I would ever have sex with another guy. I guess that Xander must have known something I didn’t know, considering I was going to yell at him for raping me. I have to say though, I was never expecting my first time to be on a goddamn table, not that we had any other place to go at it. I really wish I had a bed. The closet just isn’t the best place for post sex snuggling, let alone spending an entire night in with two people. The floor is hard, clothes don’t make a very good mattress, but… being in Xander’s arms all night… I’ve never felt so comfortable. My gods… I don’t know if I’m gay or maybe it’s just because I didn’t want to die a virgin. I think I’m going to like being with Xander… Now we just have to survive this…_

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“It’s too early to be awake brat…go back to sleep…” Xander blinked blurry brown eyes up at the boy he had claimed as his own, one hand curled beneath his head as a pillow. Raen smiled down at him, removing a hand from his journal to stroke over Xander’s cheek.

“I’m used to being up early, especially when I’ve been alone for the last how many months. I do have a question for you, now that you’re finally awake and not fucking me into a hard, uncomfortable table.” Raen smiled none the less, setting his journal to the side and laying himself back down on the floor beside the male who was now his boyfriend. Xander shifted his body, curling his arm around Raen’s slender, still naked, waist.

“I’m happy to answer any questions you might have.”

“You sound way too grown up for someone barely a year older than me. Anyways, I wanted to know how you kept yourself so smooth. Your face, I mean. You didn’t bring in any supplies when you came here, so where ever you were at, you had access to water and shaving materials. You said you left the ward a week ago…where were you during that week that you were able to shave and stay, relatively, clean?” Raen knew he was asking a lot from the male he barely knew, even if they had already had sex. Xander didn’t seem put off by Raen’s constant questions, settling his head more comfortably on his arm to he was able to rest against Raen’s small body.

“I had to abandon my backpack when I came into this building. It was packed with all my belongings, things I cherished, that sort of thing. Shaving supplies, bathroom items, food. The usual things you take with you when running for your life. It wouldn’t—“

“Why didn’t you put things through the window one by one?” Raen interrupted, but Xander placed a finger over his lips and shook his head.

“It wouldn’t fit,” he continued. “And I didn’t want to take the time to try and unload everything through the window. It had taken long enough to get that bloody pop machine out of the way. I didn’t want the flesh eaters outside to find me. I bet it’s still laying out there on the ground, but by now they have noticed that someone entered the building though that window. I wouldn’t take the chance of trying to get it if it meant they would find a way inside.” Raen sighed softly, turning his body to face away from Xander so he could lay properly.

“I want to move to another location…I mean, I know we’re safe here. But I want a real bed, especially if…you know…we’re going to be having sex. I want a better water source, and real food. I can cook only so much over a candle, and I’m even pretty much out of those,” Raen mumbled quietly. He felt so incredibly young when compared to Xander, even though there was only a little over a year of age difference between them.

“I was out in the city Raen, there isn’t anything better. You still have a good amount of canned food here, cereal, crackers and jams…Why would you want to leave? I mean, I understand the part about the bed, and I take it by you using sex as an explanation that you want to continue with having sex with me, but if we leave, we could die. Both of us,” Xander pushed, holding Raen closer to his body. “You have created a strong, safe place. Yes, eventually the food will run out, but we should stay until we have no choice.” Raen closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in before he quietly let it out. Xander’s hand roamed over his bare hip and up over his ribs, making the smaller boy squirm ever so slightly. He was sure that Xander was trying to instigate sex, most likely in order to push Raen away from the negative thoughts he was having.

“Why don’t we have some breakfast and then…and then I’ll lay you back on this crappy ass bed and make love to you properly?” Xander teased, releasing Raen’s waist and sitting up. Raen groaned from the loss of warmth on his back, rolling so he was looking up at Xander. He wanted nothing more than to spend the entire day in Xander’s arms, forgetting about the disease outside.

“Let’s skip breakfast…I may have only done this…gay sex thing once…but I want to keep it up, no pun intended,” Raen answered honestly, arching his back ever so slightly as he spread his legs. He was proud of himself for staying in shape, as well as for blatantly offering himself up to Xander. The blonde above him grinned, lowering his body down against the brunette.

“You just like that little sweet spot inside of you, you naughty boy you,” Xander grinned, pressing his lips to the soft spot between Raen’s neck and shoulder. While he himself was experienced in such matters of sexual intercourse, he knew Raen was still very new to such things and he wanted to make sure that the boys first few times were something he would always cherish and remember.

“Well…A little…”Raen admitted, arching beneath Xander’s touches. What was going to be a tender moment was ruined by screams that pierced the walls of the building, causing the two males to jerk away from one another. Xander and Raen stared at one another before they scrambled apart, grabbing clothing as they tumbled from their little closet bedroom. Neither paid much attention to the fact that they were pulling on shirts that weren’t their own, looking around to see where the screams were coming from.

“The front doors! I can hear someone rattling them!” Raen cried, twisting his body around to sprint towards the front of the building. While the zombies had constantly massed around the doors, they did nothing more than run into the doors as apposed to the pulling and shaking that Raen could hear. Xander’s longer legs had caught him up with Raen within moments, the two peering between the large pop machines to see what was going on. The screaming and shaking of the doors had already attracted the masses of zombies. Raen turned his head away as blood splattered against the window, Xander watching in horror as the woman on the other side of the glass was jerked away. One of the walking dead outside sank their teeth into the side of her neck, jerking its head around as it tore out her jugular. The moment the blood hit the air, the others began swarming the poor woman, ignoring her high pitched screams as they tore at her skin with their fingers and bit into her flesh. One arm was torn off and several zombies dove for it, hoping to feast on the flesh while it was still warm. Raen pressed his hands against his ears, trying to block out the terrible sound while Xander continued to watch in horror as the woman’s blood exploded onto with window once again. As they feasted upon her body, the zombies did not seem to take notice of Xander peering between the pop machines and the blonde knew that was for the best. He took note of their appearance, wondering what was keeping them alive. Chunks of flesh were missing and they were void of any hair, at least, what Xander could see was void of hair. Clothes were torn and shredded, stained with blood and generally covered in gore. He had never seen such a thing before and he prayed that he and Raen would survive long enough to see the end of what he now called the plague. Long fingers curled around Raen’s arm and he led him away from the scene of death. He didn’t want to raise his voice in any way, just in case the zombies heard him or Raen over the blood lust that was pounding through their limited minds.

**January 25 th, 2012**

_I don’t know what to think anymore. I was happy to have no really witnessed the carnage the flesh eaters inflict on people. I was happy not hearing people’s screams when they were ripped apart, limb by limb, blood gushing out of them. I don’t want to think about such disgusting things. Yes, I’m aware I can’t honestly avoid it when those things are lurking about outside, ready to tear my limbs off and eat my brains._

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“Raen!” The brunette lifted his head from his journal, wondering what Xander was going on about this time; The last thing he needed to hear was that the zombies outside had managed to get into their sanctuary. Lifting himself from the floor, Raen heaved a sigh and tucked his journal into it’s usual spot. He was grateful that Xander had never asked to see it, nor had he tried to read it when Raen wasn’t paying attention. The slightly younger male supposed it was only because the two of them were sleeping together, but while it was a nice thought and he wasn’t regretting his actions, Raen decided not to dwell on the thoughts.

“What’s all the yelling about?” Xander turned away from one of the main windows he was standing at, raising a brow at his approaching bedmate.

“I wasn’t yelling for you, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Xander told him, though he did pull Raen into his arms, pointing the brunette towards the window he was standing in front of. The weather had changed dramatically and it was currently pouring rain harder than anything Raen and Xander combined had ever seen in a long time.

“Wow…It hasn’t rained for awhile…Everything is so dark and evil looking,” Raen mumbled, leaning himself against Xander’s chest. Neither boy took note of the lack of undead pressing themselves against the windows for several moments, enjoying the sound of the rain pouring down and pounding against the windows. There was no doubt that such quiet, untroubled moments were rare, few and far between.

“Something is wrong.” Xander broke the comfortable silence nearly ten full minutes after Raen had come to stand in his arms. Raen twisted his body to peer up at Xander’s face, wondering what his new ‘boyfriend’ was going on about.

“There aren’t any zombies outside…None…I’ve been wondering about it the entire time we’ve been standing here but I didn’t want to say anything. I thought maybe you would have noticed it, but I guess since you’ve been holed up in here longer than me, you’ve stopped watching out the windows.”

“I guess I have…I wonder what drove them away…The rain can’t be what did it, I mean, they’re dead. The rain can’t be affecting them in such a way that they like, melt, or something. Can it? It isn’t acid rain or anything toxic, we don’t have anything like that here.” Xander shrugged his shoulders, hugging Raen closer against his chest, still staring absently out into the rain.

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_Xander brought up a very valid point today while we were watching the rain. All the zombies seem to vanish while its raining, and we’re thinking that he next rain will be when we try and move to a new location. Sadly, we don’t have any sort of vehicle to make our escape in, so at the first drop of rain, as soon as the zombies retreat to where ever they go, we’re going to haul ass. Food supplies are really all we have to pack. It’s not like we have any personal supplies to pack around. It’s still raining, according to Xander. It’s been raining for hours and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be letting up any time soon. If we were prepared, we would have taken off to another location today, but we didn’t know that rain would drive the zombies away. I still want to understand why the rain is driving them away, especially when it’s not acid rain or something that would cause them harm. Not that they feel any pain as it is._

_I want to know what the hell is going on here…Why are they fleeing from the rain?_

**February 4 th**

_We’ve been moving around a lot lately, and I don’t mean just within the store. There isn’t time to get my thoughts down. The rain has been coming off and gone for a long time now. Day after day, over and over again. I don’t know what to think about what’s been going on, but I know that it’s been a bonus for both myself and Xander. The rain means we can find a new safe place to survive, and with the rain being as constant as it has been, we have been able to move large quantities of food from place to place as well. I know that we don’t have that much food as it is, but we’re moving it. There’s no guarantee that we are going to find a place with a food stash as huge as the grocery store we had been in._

_At the moment, the two of us are huddled together in what looks like it used to be a storage unit. It was the only thing that was empty and unlocked. I guess most people fled without taking their stored belongings. That’s a bonus to us. It may be small, but Xander is slowly opening a few of the other units. We have a bed! It’s tiny, and we pretty much have to lay on top of one another, but I don’t give a shit. It’s a bed, a real bed, a real mattress that isn’t made up of my shirt and pants. So far Xander hasn’t found any weapons, but we were able to open the indoor part of the units. Everything is connected via a long, slender hallway. This makes finding supplies easier, seeing as Xander doesn’t have to try and run around in the rain, or outside in normal weather without being discovered._

_I know we have to keep moving, but at the moment we are safe. Food needs to be replenished and I’m not looking forward to finding a new home. We haven’t heard or seen any others survivors, but I’m sure that we can’t be the only people who are left alive. The world just doesn’t work that way, right?_

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“Raen?” Xander wrapped his arms around his new boyfriends shoulders, holding him from behind, not that there was much room in the current storage unit they were in. The brunette in front of him seemed to be lost in his own mind and it was concerning Xander ever so slightly. Both of them needed to be alert and aware at all time if they were going to survive, especially now that they were attempting to make contact with others. The radio that Raen carried with him had shown no sign of life, but that didn’t mean that there wasn’t someone else out there.

“I don’t want to die here…” Raen mumbled quietly, not shifting when Xander held him. Death was something he couldn’t avoid thinking about, not with it lurking so close.

“We aren’t going to die here Raen, you know that. We’re going to get to the mall and find others. If we don’t find them there, we can at least get real two way radio’s and try calling over one of those to see if anyone is going to answer us. I have this all planned out Raen, don’t back out on me now. We can’t survive in this place and you know it as well as I do. At least at the mall we can get more supplies, and I’m pretty sure they have one of those mall convenience stores where we can get food.”

“I think you’re starting to ramble,” Raen spoke quietly, but he knew that everything Xander was saying was true.

**February 16 th**

_Rain…Rain…What is it about water that repels them? Xander laughed and said they were related to the “wicked witch” from that old “Wizard of Oz” movie. If only the solution was something so simple. Maybe it has something to do with the virus…or…something on their skin that is keep them…what ever they are. I don’t want to say alive, mostly because I know they aren’t. They are nothing but flesh eating monsters, and that is all they will ever be._

_Xander swears he’s spotted people he used to know, you know, back when they were alive and not trying to feast on people’s brains. I don’t know how I would react o such a thing, especially if it was my family I saw._

_We need to find better weapons, I mean, guns are great, but bullets run out eventually. How do you kill these things anyways?_

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Xander tapped his foot against the wall, sitting with his legs outstretched in the tiny interior hallway of the storage building. All one could do was wait for the rain, especially when rain was the only thing that was going to keep you from being eaten. The blonde decided that plans were going to have to change it he and Raen were going to survive. There still hadn’t been any radio contact since the two of them had stumbled across the two way radios nearly a week before.

“If there is no one left, how come we haven’t come across any bodies?” The question caused Raen to emerge from the bundle of blankets he was curled up in, rolling onto his stomach to peer out of the door. The brunette wasn’t able to actually see Xander, but he could hear him just fine.

“I’m pretty sure they eat every part of the body,” Raen replied, yawning rather largely. He was trying to catch up on the sleep he had missed over the last eight months. Xander’s next question kept him from drifting back to sleep.

“What did you say?”

“I said,” Xander sighed, moving his body to the other side of the hallway so he would be able to look inside the unit Raen was sleeping in. “What about the bones? They can’t eat those.” Raen groaned, wishing his easy answer the the previous question had been enough to sate the other males curiosity.

“According to my watch, it’s nearly two in the morning. Either come to be, or get your own journal, write you thoughts down and shut the hell up.” Xander laughed, watching his future potential boyfriend burry himself back into the blankets. He wasn’t about to admit that writing had never been his strong point, even if he had been a nurse for over a year. It was late though, and he knew Raen was right. Without sleep, neither of them wouldn’t be prepared if it suddenly rained. With a soft sigh, Xander pushed himself up off the floor and padded towards the bed. Something about holding Raen in his arms made him smile, and he would even go so far as to say that he was really starting to grow attached to Raen. ‘It’s funny’ he thought to himself as he kicked off his shoes and made his way under the covers. ‘Disaster always brings people together.’

**February 19 th**

_Know what happens when the person you are sleeping with is nothing but a bundle of questions? You end up getting woken up at all hours with the stupidest question even, and no real answer is available. The only bonus to having Xander is that he know how to use guns, well, and the sex. Sex with Xander is pretty damn amazing._

**Later the same day**

_I swear he has telepathy or something! The moment I write about him, he stops wandering the units and comes and sits with me. And yes, he laid me out and pounded me into the mattress with my legs in the air over his shoulder. Yeah, it was fucking amazing._

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“It’s raining again.”

“I know, it has been for the last hour.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I was too busy throwing up. I think I ate something bad…Besides, we don’t even have a plan for the next place was are going.”

“Didn’t we pack a huge ass medical kit before we left the grocery store?”

“We didn’t pack anything for puking.” The two stared at one another, Raen tapping his foot against the concrete under him, Xander trembling under the blankets. This was a complete role reversal for the two of them, and neither honestly knew what to do about it.

“I hear voices,” Raen said softly, coming to sit on the floor space beside the bed. When Xander didn’t comment, Raen let himself go quiet, not wanting to bother the sick male. He was startled when Xander laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Tell me,” Xander mumbled. Raen lifted a hand and rested it on top of Xander’s.

“It happened when I was left alone, after this all started. I would lay on the floor in the store, huddled in the corner, praying the radio would make some sort of noise, other than static. I thought I was going crazy because I was alone, you know? But even after you came, I still hear the whispers. Always in the dead of night, when almost everything is silent. I thought it was just the groaning of the flesh eaters outside, but the whispers were so clear, just like real voices.” Xander’s breathing was slow and steady, making Raen realize the other boy had fallen asleep. Gently removing himself from under Xander’s hand, the brunette made sure Xander was tucked in warning before moving out of the storage room. The rain was still pouring down, ensuring Raen would be able to safely open the doors and have a look around outside. The clouds were still black as coal and the end of the rain was nowhere in sight.

“This is the most screwed up winter I have ever seen,” Raen spoke with a sigh. He leaned his body against the door frame, letting the rain splash lightly on his face. He silently told himself that he would figure out what about the rain was making the zombies vanish. At least the rain meant that neither he nor Xander had to watch more unlucky victims get slaughtered, or hear them for that matter.

**February 21 st**

_So…My birthday is coming up. Yup…the big 1-8 is rushing towards me. I guess in all honesty, I’m still a teenager, but there’s something about being eighteen that commands the whole idea of being adult. If that makes any sense, because the moment I put it on paper, it didn’t make any sense. Not to me, at least. I bet Xander could look at this and see something I don’t see, and make this big deal over what I wrote, but that’s why he doesn’t read this thing!_

_He hasn’t gotten his own bloody journal either, so I’m still dealing with weird questions at random times during the night. I don’t think his brain shuts down at all, not even when he sleeps. Even sick, he’s been asking me these stupid questions. And even after he finally goes to sleep, I have to lay there and wonder what in the world he was thinking about when he asked me. That means I’m the one not getting any sleeping, and he’s sleeping better!_

_He’s still sick, even though he denies it. After two days of vomiting in this bucket I found, he’s finally gone nearly twenty four hours without puking._

_I wish we had some way of predicting the weather, mostly because the chance we had to get out of here and find a new place to survive in, Xander was sick and we didn’t have a chance to leave. I’m getting sick of being confined in this stupid storage unit, especially when I’m so close to the damn zombies that are pressing against the sliding doors. I hear them so much more clearly now, and I can almost feel the way they’re scratching at the metal doors, wanting in. It’s rather disturbing when I really think about it. Maybe they’re the reason I’m not sleeping, and my subconscious is just tricking me into thinking it’s all about Xander. Maybe it’s the voices I hear at night, telling me to get out, get to safety, get away before they get inside and kill us both._

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“We need to plan out or next move,” Xander spoke quietly, resting one arm around Raen’s shoulder. The two were sitting on the bed, simply listening to the sounds coming from the other side of the doors. There was no better time to bring up such a subject, and before Xander was able to say another word, Raen produced several torn out pages of a spiral notebook he had found, handing them over to Xander. Together, the two looked over the ideas Raen had mapped out, fingers stroking over crudely drawn maps, hands fumbling for the map of the city that Raen had thought to bring with them when they had left the grocery store.

“I think our plan of using the mall is a truly bad idea,” Xander agreed when he came across the capital letters at the top of the paper for the second time. “We need to find another building with supplies that can support us, if only for a week or so.”

“We don’t know how long it’s going to be before the next rain, or the one after that. What about hitting a convenience store…or two?” Raen asked, squinting at the map that lay over his lap. Lack of sleep was making it hard to focus on the small print and tiny pictures, but he wasn’t going to say anything to Xander, especially when the other male still wasn’t back to one hundred percent.

“How do we know that someone hasn’t already hit up the convenience stores for food, just like we’re planning?”

“We don’t, but we have to think positive. We’re running low on food, even if you barely ate anything while you were sick, other than drinking most of our water. If we really move quickly, I’m sure we could hit several stores before finding one to hide ourselves away in.” Xander shifted his body, resting his head against Raen’s shoulder, breathing his possible boyfriends scent. He knew that he had, indeed, drank most of the bottled water that the two of them had packed from the shopping center, but that was only to keep himself from becoming dehydrated. Raen had been the one to insist he drank, promising that he would be able to refill the bottles with rain water. For the time being, all but two or three bottles remained empty, and there didn’t seem to be any rain clouds forming.

“Are you going to be okay for moving around in the rain?” Raen asked, wrapping a loose arm around Xander’s waist, turning his head just enough to press a soft kiss to the blonde’s forehead. The two took a moment to simply look at one another before Raen blushed and look away, pulling the pen from his notebook off the edge of the map.

“These stores are close together, within a block of each other in either direction. I’m sure that one of them will give us shelter between the rain storms.” Xander nodded his head, running his fingers over the map to trace out the path they would need to take.

“When should we leave?”

“With the next rain, of course. I wish that we could see the sky without having to open one of the doors, but we just have to wait for a break in the moaning and groaning. When they stop, we know it’s raining and we’re going to have to haul ass. Let’s start packing right away, just in case. We should also take shifts to listen for the rain. If we’re both sleeping, we can’t listen for it, and we might just miss it.” Xander was surprised by Raen’s new take-charge attitude but he wasn’t going to comment on it, smiling at the brunette. If Raen needed to be in charge in order to feel safe, then Xander would have no problem submitting to the younger male. Despite the circumstances, Raen’s happiness was important to him, no matter what happened.


	3. Chapter 3

**February 26 th**

_Just three more days…Not that time means anything anymore. We still haven’t heard any rain, and it’s not like we’re able to listen to a weather report. We’re down to one bottle of water, and even that’s getting low. I wish we had thought to run back and forth during the last few storms, or to collect water. At least Xander and I are both healthy now but that’s not going to last very long since we’re running out of water. I just hope it rains soon, or else being eaten by the zombies outside is the least of our problems._

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Writing wasn’t something Raen had the energy to do anymore, and it wasn’t because of the dwindling water and slowly lacking food. It was mostly because the storage building was starting to feel more and more like a prison, rather than the sanctuary it had started out as. Everything felt small and crowded, and it wasn’t helping his tiny relationship with Xander at all.

“Think we’re going to die in here?” Raen mumbled, leaning back against the hallway wall. Xander turned his head to the side to stare at the brunette before he shrugged his shoulders and went back to staring at the wall.

“Who knows…I think I’d rather fall into a hunger filled sleep and then die in a coma then go outside and get myself eaten alive,” he replied. Raen pulled one knee up against his chest, resting his chin with a soft sigh.

“Does that mean we’re probably going to die then?”

“Probably, unless for some reason the sky gods deem us worthy of life and let loose with the rain we need,” Xander sighed, squirming ever so slightly on the hard concrete. Raen rolled his eyes and flopped his body over to the side, resting his head on Xander’s lap.

“Are we going to just sit here and depress one another with petty arguments and horrible thoughts?” he asked, staring up at Xander. The blonde peered down at Raen, absently running a hand through his dirty hair, not that it mattered anymore. The two simply lapsed into silence, Raen enjoying the way Xander was gently stroking his head.

“I’m worried about you,” Xander spoke softly. Raen blinked up at him, wondering what he was talking about.

“I think you’re catching the cold I had, or whatever it was. You’ve been looking pretty pale, and I think it’s because you haven’t been able to drink enough water.” Xander was genuinely concerned about his new boyfriend, trailing his fingers over Raen’s cheek. Both males were dirty from their living situation, but it didn’t seem to matter anymore.

“What if I do?”

“Well you’re going to be barfing all over the place and unable to run, should it rain. And considering the last time it rained was when I was sick, I’m pretty sure our karma is going to make it rain now that you’re sick. But of course, it won’t happen until you can’t move around on your own.” Raen stared at Xander, wondering what the nineteen year old had smoked when he was younger, or what his mother had smoked while she was pregnant with the blonde. It never ceased to amaze him where Xander got these ideas, but he knew that the blonde was probably speaking the truth.

“Let’s start packing now. I’m pretty sure there was a wheel chair in one of the storage units, not to mention other things that roll. You can roll me, and what’s left of our supplies, where ever you decide to go,” Raen told him, though he didn’t make a move from the floor. Xander lifted an eyebrow and stared down at the brunette before he laughed and stood up, not bothering to ask Raen to move first.

“Hey!”

“Packing!” Xander called over his shoulder, running off down the hallway. Raen pushed himself up off the floor, trailing after the blonde. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen between the current day and when ever it happened to rain again.

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_Let the puking begin…Xander says he’s going to wheel me down the city while I’m comatose. I think he’s exaggerating, but I’m starting to feel sluggish. I don’t know why he’s right about this, but I don’t honestly want to be pushed around in a wheel chair in the rain. But right this moment, I’m ready for a nap. Well…at least…the moment I stop wanting to vomit out of my nose…_

**March 3 rd**

_Well…I missed my birthday…And I woke up to find myself in yet another closet, this time in a place I had never been before. For nearly twenty four hours Xander kept me in that damn closet, not letting me move because I was sick. I don’t even remember him moving me, and he says he’s pretty sure I didn’t wake up once while he was doing it. I guess when I get sick, all I want to do is sleep and not move. So now here we are, huddled in a convenience store and finally we have food. We don’t understand why this one hasn’t been looted yet, but we aren’t going to complain. At least, I’m not going to complain about it. We have food and water and I’m not sick anymore, so I’m going to sit on the roof of this building and watch the zombies roam._

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“Are you still sitting up here?” Xander asked, pushing open the covering to the stairs which gained access to the roof. Raen was perched on a chair fashioned out of milk crates and a bag of sand to keep everything from moving around. The brunette nodded, resting his open journal on his lap. He had found several Polaroid cameras in the store below him, and for the sake of documenting what could be the end of the earth, Raen made sure to take pictures of the masses below him.

“I thought you were freaked out by them?” Xander rested a hand on Raen’s shoulder, absently staring out at the walking dead as well. He felt Raen shrug under his hand, but didn’t hear any sort of response, something that had become common since the other male had woken up two days earlier. He wondered if the ability to see the zombies had made the situation too real for Raen and it had thrown him into a sort of quiet, submissive mentality.

“We have a good deal of food, if you can call it food, and I think that we could stay here through the next rain. Since we have roof access and the ability to watch them, we might just find out why the rain makes them go away.” Raen didn’t have any sort of response for what Xander was talking about, and the sound of groaning from the street below was all that Xander had to listen to. It was getting unnerving and he didn’t understand how Raen could sit outside for hours on end, simply watching them scratch at the walls of what ever building they targeted, groaning and moaning like some bad porno movie.

“We can see the sky now,” Raen spoke softly. His voice was so quiet and under used that Xander almost hadn’t heard him, but the blonde quickly looked down at the other boy.

“Well, yeah, we have roof top access now. So?”

“We can figure out when it’s going to rain,” was the only answer he received. Xander sighed softly and once more stroked his fingers through Raen’s hair, now soft thanks to the full day of rain and Xander’s idea to fill everything and anything with rain water. They both agreed that being clean felt amazing, but they knew that it wouldn’t last long and that they shouldn’t get used to it.

“Do you want to go somewhere else when it rains again?” he asked.

“We haven’t seen any other signs of life around, at least, you didn’t. Where else would we go?” Xander wasn’t going to complain about Raen’s depressed attitude, not when the brunette was at least talking again.

“We could scout a new place to survive on the first rain, and raid the convenience store across from us for more food. When the next rain after that comes, we could move to our new hiding spot and hope that we find it safer that we find this place,” Xander told him. The blonde made a mental note to bring several more sand bags to the roof so he would be able to sit with Raen and observe. He didn’t like being away from the smaller male for such long periods of time, not that he was keeping track of the time of course.

“Did we want to try the mall? It’s only one level but if we pulled all the security grates down over all the store doors, I’m sure it would offer some sort of protection.”

“We could try,” Xander agreed, rocking ever so slightly. “It’s a step closer to the hospital, which is where I think we should head.”

“The hospital? Why there?” Raen twisted his body to look up at Xander, wondering what his blonde boyfriend had in mind. It still boggled him when he tried to understand why Xander thought what he did.

“Better medical supplies and the chance to find more people. I think that a lot of people would have fled to the hospital, especially if they were attacked. Antibiotics, some surgery equipment, and who knows what else.”

“Then that’s where we have to go, isn’t it?” Another silence flowed over the two, but it was far from the peaceful quiet they had obtained while living in the grocery store. Now they could hear the zombies right below them, the undead stretch as far as they could see in their small town. The rain would bring their answers to why the zombies fled when it came, and it would provide them a chance to run yet again. All they had to do was wait.

**March 17 th**

_Wow…it’s been awhile since I’ve had a chance to write. So much has gone on and I don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll make a list of everything that happened each day. I hope I don’t leave anything out, but I’ve never had that amazing of a memory, that’s why I write in my journal._

_Let’s start with the fifth. It started to rain and we hauled ass to the roof. We watched in amazement as the zombies fled, making the most horrible sounds. I think I would compare it to an animal being skinned alive, it was that horrible. I felt my skin crawl with every squeal of pain and I watched in horror as chunks of their skin peeled off and landed on the concrete. It looked as though it was melting, and I’ve never seen such a thing._

_It was still raining on the sixth and we were being smart and collecting more water, both from the roof and from us wandering the streets. We didn’t think to watch the sky as we wandered the area we were in, looking for anything that would tell us there were other survivors around. Anything that would prove that we weren’t the only ones left in the city, if not the entire world. I think, at one time, people had been hiding in certain areas. Windows were boarded up and doors were braced so well that we couldn’t enter many buildings. We shouted to anyone who may have been inside, wanting them to know that we weren’t infected and were looking for survivors. We never got a response from anyone. The rain ended suddenly and we had to be at least ten blocks away from the store. Xander can run faster than I can, we discovered that the hard way. I don’t know where they came from, but the zombies were flooding back into the streets, despite the still lingering pools of water left from the rain. I think it was because we were out there, and our scent was in the air. We must have smelled a lot stronger than the new fresh air. I can’t run worth shit, and how I made it back into the store is unknown to me. I remember hearing them behind me, their groans as I moved as quickly as I could. You wouldn’t think that the dead could move very fast, but there were so many of them coming from so many directions that it didn’t matter that they couldn’t move that quickly. I must have slipped and fell at one point in time because there’s a good scab on my leg from a gash that was rather deep. I was more concerned about the sudden grasp of fleshy zombie hands all over my body. Xander said I was screaming in sheer terror. That could be why I don’t remember him coming running with buckets of water. He drug me, soaking wet, back into the store and took care of me._

_By the tenth we were planning our next big move. The undead knew for sure where we were, and that I was a slow runner. The next time we encountered them, there was a good chance that I would die with them pulling my guts from my body, my screams echoing through the city._

_On the eleventh the rain came and we managed to get ourselves secluded in a hotel, on the top floor. Each time we passed a flight of stairs, lugging all of our heavy supplies, we made sure to secure the door with anything we could find. Every floor had a vending machine and an ice machine, and they came in handy for securing a safe zone._

_The rain came again on the sixteenth, yesterday. We removed all of the blockages from the doors and moved as quickly as we could. Supplies from the kitchen of the hotel, two luggage carts, two maids carts, and some suit cases that were left behind. Those are the items that we took, and we’re happy that we did._

_Today…today we’re huddled in the hospital. We made it to the one place we needed to be. Here, Xander made sure to tend to my leg and even gave me a shot of antibiotics, even though it had been over a week since I had been injured. This place was easy to lock down and looks as though it had once held survivors. We were only able to get in through a third floor window, and Xander had to climb up a tree to do that, then come down to the main floor to let me in. I can’t believe the rain lasted long enough for us to get some place safe, but thank the gods that it did._

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“Who the hell are you?” Raen lifted his head and jumped to his feet when he saw that the person who had entered the room he was in wasn’t Xander. His eyes were wide at the sight of someone other than his new boyfriend. It was a female, brown hair and dark eyes, dressed in army fatigues and holding a gun. Said gun was currently pointed directly at Raen’s head. The brunette clutched his journal against his chest in a purely instinctual move, but it made the woman standing in front of him tighten her grip on the weapon she was holding.

“I said state your name!” she all but shouted, making Raen cringe a little.

“Raen…” he whispered quietly, not wanting to provoke the girl anymore than he already had. He watched as she stared at him, their eyes locking for a good minute before she lowered her gun and slid it into the holster that sat on her hip. She looked rather stunned, taking several steps closer to the brunette sitting in front of her.

“You aren’t infected.” It wasn’t a question, but a fact.

“No, we’re not.” Raen leaned to the side to peer around the woman, smiling as he took note of Xander’s fit form standing in the doorway. The girl spun around, her hand instantly dropping down to her gun. Xander held his hands up, not wanting to look threatening in any way.

“There are two of you?” Xander nodded, stepping past the girl to make his way to where Raen was sitting, resting his hand on his boyfriends shoulder. The blonde squeezed gently, almost in a reassuring manner.

“I didn’t think there were any other survivors.” The young woman eyed the two in front of her, speaking slowly, almost as if she believed they didn’t understand what she was saying.

“Neither did we,” Xander told her. “What’s your name?”

“Siska. You?”

“Xander,” the blonde replied. “And Raen.” He brushed his fingers through the younger males hair, smiling softly.

“It makes sense why we weren’t able to get in here as easily as we had hoped,” Raen mumbled. Siska frowned some, drumming her fingers ever so lightly against her weapon.

“What do you mean?” she asked him, watching as Raen slid from the bed he had been sitting on, moving to peer out of the window.

“You had this place locked down pretty well,” he explained, even though he didn’t turn to face her. “We had to search for a way in.”

“I didn’t think I had left any openings. I’m lucky those infected bastards outside didn’t take notice of it.” Xander sighed softly, watching Raen. He knew that the constant fact of being cooped up in buildings was taking its toll on the brunette, but there wasn’t anything he could do. If anything, he would have to make sure Raen had access to the hospital roof, even if it was only for short periods of time. He was sure that the fact that the hospital was made up of ten different floors meant that being on the roof wasn’t going to cause any problems. Raen had stood on the convenience store roof for hours at a time, and that had been less than a twenty foot drop.

“Where did you two come from?” Siska had directed her question to Raen, but the other brunette didn’t seem to have any will to answer her. She turned her eyes to Xander, silently asking the question again.

“It’s a long story, but we’re here and we’re alive. It doesn’t matter where we came from or how we got here--”

“It does if it means you could possibly be infected!” Siska interrupted. Xander rolled his eyes and leaned back against the wall, resting one of his hands on Raen’s.

“We’re here, that’s all that matters,” Xander told her. “We shouldn’t have to explain ourselves to someone who pointed a gun at us.”

“You could have been infected!”

“You’re paranoid.” Raen’s voice was quiet, but Siska heard him none the less. Raen didn’t even give her a chance to respond to his comment, turning away from the window to face her.

“I understand that you’ve been alone for awhile, just like Xander and I have. That’s no excuse to give us the twenty questions bit. Yeah, you’re wearing army clothes and you’re carrying a weapon, but we aren’t part of any sort of army bullshit and we sure as hell aren’t going to be listening to you. I’d appreciate it if you backed the hell off and left us alone.” Xander was rather surprised by his brunette’s outburst, curling his arms around Raen’s slender shoulders.

“This is my safe house!” Siska all but shrieked, though the two in front of her didn’t seem phased by her little outburst.

“Did you bust into an army supply center and steal everything?” Raen questioned her, resting one hand on Xander’s arm. He knew that he was risking his and Xander’s safety, especially when it was Siska who was currently carrying the weapon. Once more he didn’t bother to let Siska answer, his free hand pointing towards the door.

“At this moment, right now, this is my room. Get the hell out, and unless we ask for your help, we don’t want anything to do with you. I’m sure that we can all exist together as long as we don’t go pissing one another off.” Siska huffed and spun on her heel, all but stalking out of the door, slamming it behind herself.

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_This is some insane shit we have going on today. I don’t honestly know how to sum it all up. There’s another survivor. We aren’t alone in this hospital. She seems to be a total psycho and Xander and I don’t want to leave the room we’re in. We have all our supplies in here anyways, so it’s not like we don’t have food and water. Xander will go out tomorrow and raid the cafeteria, and we’ll start setting up for the next rain. I think we’ll be safe here. I think we can take some time and try and figure out what’s going on with the damn zombies._

(March 21st)

A loud, blaring sound jostled Raen and Xander awake, the two sitting up in the hospital beds they were occupying for the night. It was still dark outside, the pitch black hospital room becoming illuminated by bright flashes of light. It took a few moments for Xander to understand what was going on, the blonde swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“Fire alarm,” he called over the horrible sound, moving to help Raen’s tired body off the bed and onto the floor. He wasn’t sure how the alarm was able to sound when there was no power, but he didn’t have time to question it. Together, Raen and Xander made their way out of the room and down the hallway, guided only by the near blinding fire alarm lights.

“I thought there was no power,” Raen almost had to shout as they passed by one of the alarms. Xander winced at the shrill noise and pointed Raen in the direction of the fire escape.

“There must be a working generator in this building,” Xander informed the slender brunette when they had made it into the stairwell. The noise wasn’t cut off completely, but the thick concrete muffled the alarms that were blaring on each floor. The fire escape stairs were lit by dull orange emergency lights, something that was much easier on the eyes than the blinding white lights.

“I don’t smell smoke,” Raen mumbled. He was carefully making his way down the stairs, not wanting to trip over himself. Xander kept a hand resting on Raen’s arm, worried that his young boyfriend would fall over in his sleep deprived state. While the alarms had woken the blonde completely and within moments of Xander waking up, they seemed to have no real affect on Raen.

“That doesn’t mean something isn’t wrong in the building. We can try and think positive by saying that it’s that Siska chick who set off the alarms, just to screw with us.” Xander pushed at the first floor door, not wanting to exit directly outside. When Raen hadn’t responded to what he had said, Xander turned his head to make sure the brunette had heard him. The alarms were almost deafening again, seeing as they were moving back into a main area. Raen’s eyes were locked on something over Xander’s shoulder, one hand fumbling to pull the blonde back into the stairwell. Xander turned to see what Raen was staring at, letting the brunette pull him back at the same time. Siska was standing at the main doors, watching the undead on the other side of the protective metal bars. The glass had been shattered and lay at Siska’s feet, the dark haired young woman laughing in a manner that Xander would have deemed insane. Smoke was curling up from the door, and from the weapon she held in her gloved hands. Raen had seen enough movies to know that Siska was holding an army issue flame thrower, or something along those same lines. He also knew that the young woman was responsible for setting off the alarms. Each blast of flesh melting fire caused louder groans from the zombies outside, their rotting flesh dropping off of their decaying bodies. The fire didn’t seem to be stopping them at all, instead, it seemed to be making them even more committed to getting inside the building. As flesh melted and fell away, blood stained and flame charred bones tried to reach through the metal bars, unrestricted by the bulky flesh that had once been holding their bones in place. As they stretched and groped, hoping to curling their undead fingers around Siska’s throat, bones started to crumble without the support of muscles and ligaments. The stench of the rotting flesh from those who were slowly crumbling into piles of melted skin and crumbling bones made Xander’s eyes burn and caused Raen to gag violently. Together, the two males shut the door and fled back up the stairs to avoid the smell. The smaller brunette made it halfway up to the second floor before he clutched the railing and lurched half of his body over the edge. Xander curled his arms around his boyfriend’s heaving form, gently pulling Raen’s hair away from his face. He wasn’t put off by the sound of Raen vomiting over the side of the stairs, or the wet sound of his stomach contents splattering on to the floor below.

“It’s okay…” he mumbled softly, fumbling in his pocket for something to help clean Raen’s mouth. His fingers curled around a small packet of tissues and he quickly pulled them up, helping his boyfriend clean the vomit from his lips.

“We’ll get you rinsed up when we get back to our room,” Xander assured him, keeping Raen in his arms as he and the brunette started staggering back up the stairs.

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	4. Chapter 4

**March 21 st**

_Siska is a hell of a lot scarier than I initially thought she was. She broke out all the glass on the main doors and was LAUGHING as she toasted the zombies through the security bars with a flame thrower! Laughing! The smell was so horrible and there was so much smoke that it set off the fire alarms. Apparently we have a generator in this building. It makes sense, considering this is a hospital and they would still need to support people, even with the power out. Xander thinks that we can get down to the basement via the stairs and maybe even get some water running. Maybe just enough to get a shower…Buckets of rain water only last so long, and I would rather not have to keep smelling like vomit. That stench down on the first floor was enough to make me puke. Most of it missed me, but I can still smell it. Xander and I decided to just throw my clothes out the window and now I’m walking around in a pair of scrubs. I hate hospital clothes, but at least it’s not one of those stupid gowns they give patients._

_Xander says he loves me. I believe it. He held me the whole time I was barfing, and even wiped my mouth. When we made it back up the stairs and into our room, he cleaned me up with these baby wipe things and found the change of clothes for me. I just don’t know if I love him too…_

**March 22 nd**

_I don’t dare go anywhere near the first level, not as long as Siska is running around. Xander has been speculating that she’s from the same ward he worked at, but I don’t believe him. Much. I think she’s just disturbed by the zombies, and acting insane is her way of coping with the problem._

_Eventually Xander and I will head down to the basement to check out the generator. It isn’t could enough to need heat anymore (not that we had any), but a hot shower would be amazing. I’m sure there has to be a huge cistern or something for this place. Even if it’s a five minute shower, I want it. I’ll share with Xander so we can get clean together… Okay… Maybe I want some shower sex. Xander’s made sure that I’m not all innocent and virginal about sex, so why not?_

_I often wonder what’s going to happen to us. What’s going on in the world? How many other cities were infected? How many have died? It’s pretty clear that I won’t see my family again, at least, not in the living sense. I think I’ve started seeing people I know, when I watch the zombies I mean. Familiar clothing that’s full of rotting flesh. I don’t want to keep watching, just in case, but I just can’t bring myself to look away._

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“Raen?”

“Hm?”

“How long are we planning on staying here?” Xander asked, his body half laying off the end of the bed that he and Raen were occupying. Raen stroked his fingers over the cover of his journal, shrugging his shoulders, not that Xander was watching him.

“I’m pretty happy here. Despite the insane woman running around, I think we’re safe. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

“Are we going to check out the basement?” he asked, bumping one of his feet against the blonde’s shoulder.

“You just want a shower.”

“I want sex in the shower.” Xander twisted his head around, staring at his boyfriend from his almost upside down position. Raen smiled and shrugged his shoulders again.

“When did you want to go?”

“We could go now,” Raen almost mumbled, carefully swinging a leg over Xander’s head as he moved off the bed.

“Why are you so quiet?” Xander sat up as well, slipping his feet back into his shoes, as he had kicked them off when he laid down on the bed. Raen tugged his own shoes on, frowning as the hell of his left shoe simply collapsed.

“You don’t want to stay here. You don’t want to bother with the generator, even though you’re the one who suggested.” The brunette slumped into a chair, fighting with his shoe. Xander sighed softly, kneeling in front of his boyfriend. It was normal to be frustrated and upset in the situation they were in. The blonde wasn’t going to argue or yell at the younger male, not for something so trivial. He gently pushed Raen’s hands away and helped him replace his shoe.

“We have to walk through the first floor to get to the door that leads down to the basement. I didn’t want to push you to go through that area, especially when there isn’t glass on the doors anymore,” Xander explained softly, replacing Raen’s shoe before he released the brunette’s foot. He honestly cared for the little male, even if they hadn’t been truly ‘together’ for very long. Sure, he could blame his emotions on the dire situation they were in, but Xander felt that it was something more.

“I’m sorry…” Xander quickly lifted his head to gaze at Raen. The eighteen year old had spoken in such a sad voice that it had startled the blonde. Rising up on to his knees, Xander cupped Raen’s face in his hands and brushed away the tears that were streaking down his cheeks.

“Everything is going to be okay. I promise we’ll survive this.”

 

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_After some crying (me) and some sheer patience (Xander), we made it down to the basement. The things outside were reaching for us the entire time, their blood stained hands reaching through the bars. I covered my ears and Xander made sure I didn’t look at them as we walked, placing his hands on either side of my face, like the blinders that race horses wear. I had to hum to drown out the groaning, even with my ears covered. Xander told me that there were no bones left from yesterday. I don’t know why they move the bones, or what they do with them, but it’s a good question. They’re dead, kind of. What could they possibly do with the bones?_

_The basement was surprisingly warm when we made it down stairs, and it was set up with many rooms. Xander fought with the generator (though he’s not very handy) and I just wandered around. None of the doors were locked (which was strange) and the rooms looked like science labs. There were labeled beakers and vials that were full of different colored liquids. Xander must have gotten the generator working at that moment because  they lights flicked on, startling me, and there was a draft of cold air all of a sudden. There was a small refrigerator in one corner of the room, but the door was open. I think they were vials in the ‘fridge too, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. Xander started shouting about water and heaters, or something like that, so I left the room. The air was starting to smell funny anyways. All the rooms looked the same though, and I think it’s weird that they all had ‘fridges and smelled funny. I asked Xander if he smelled anything while we were leaving. He didn’t. Maybe it was just me._

_Either way, the shower in this room is working and I plan to make use of it._

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Blonde hair mixed with water darkened brown, the two males clutching one another under the blast of the shower water. Raen had no idea that such a position was possible, but at the current moment, he couldn’t think about it. Each thrust of Xander’s strong hips made the younger teen cry out his pleasure. The sheet depth that Xander’s penis was reaching was enough to make Raen’s toes curl. He was clutching Xander with his arms locked around the blonde’s neck, jagged nails dragging down the back of the blonde’s sensitive neck, causing pleasured groans. Xander’s strong hips and hands were keeping Raen off the floor of the shower, the brunette pressed against the shower wall with his legs locked around Xander’s hips. Fingers scrambled against wet flesh as Xander pulled Raen’s hips down with each thrust. The water pouring down on them was starting to cool, but neither male could care. The brunette was starting to chant his lovers name, arching his back.

“Please…Xan…More!” he cried, tightening his legs around Xander’s slick hips. The sweet spot deep inside him was being thrust against almost constantly, giving Raen intense flashes of pure pleasure. They were panting and gasping against one another, coming closer and closer to release. Xander released one hand from Raen’s small hip to begin stroking the brunette’s leaking member.

“Want you to cum for me…” he ground out, bracing his legs to increase his thrusting. Raen cried out, the added stimulation driving him wild. Xander watched as his young lover came, spilling himself all over the blonde’s hand. The glorious sight was enough to send Xander over the edge as well. Releasing Raen’s sensitive penis, Xander resumed his hard thrusting now that he was able to grip Raen’s hips with both hands. With a loud groan, the blonde felt his hips surge forward, coating Raen’s insides with his seed. Together, they slumped to the floor of the tiny shower. Raen fumbled to turn off the water, his body sore in such a wonderful way. He would have given anything to be able to keep Xander deep inside his body, but it wasn’t a possibility. Soon their bodies would cool and they would need to get out of the shower and dry off, but for the time being, the two were curled together, basking in post orgasm bliss.

**April 10 th**

_I woke to the smell of burning flesh and the sickening sound of undead groans. Every inch of my body went rigid and I had to force my eyes open, struggling to keep from hiding under the blankets like a scared child. Beside me, Xander’s bed was empty and his clothes were missing. The horrible groans were closer than they had been in the weeks that we’ve been here. I knew the smell and it made me instantly realize what was going on._

_There were shouts outside of my room; Xander’s voice was yelling that the water was working, and to get the fire hose. Siska was yelling back, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. Pipes were groaning and I think it was because of the water being forced out of the fire hose. I could hear the water crashing against the walls and the zombies. Water was starting to seep under the door, and at some point in time I had gotten out of bed and put my shoes and clothes on. The water was cold on my feet, seeping through my shoes and into my socks. I shouldn’t have opened the door, but I did. Water was raining down and there were piles of half melted zombie flesh dissolving on the slippery floor. I could hear Xander and Siska screaming at one another over the rushing water, the hallway packed with writhing bodies. The zombies were so close to be, but I hadn’t made a sound and they were focused on Xander and Siska._

_It felt like a bad dream, everything was fuzzy and almost seemed to be moving in slow motion. Xander called out to me, but it sounded so far away. I must have responded because the zombies suddenly noticed me. They started pushing into the room while I fought to shut the door. I was the closer target. Warm blood and living, moving flesh. I remember realizing that there was no place for me to hide. My body moved on it’s own, putting me in front of the window. I guess it was my only escape, because before I knew what I was doing, my body was crawling out the window._

_It was raining outside, maybe that was what had driven the zombies into the building in the first place. What little ledge that was outside of the window was slick from the rain. My hands scrambled against the hard brick while my feet struggled to stay on the ledge. The alarms inside started going off and I would have bet all my money, if I had any, that Xander had set off the sprinkler system. Lightning lit up the sky above me and thunder boomed so loud that it shook my body. I tried to hang on, knowing I wouldn’t survive the fall to the ground, even if it was softened by the rain._

_Siska’s head appeared not far from me, several windows away from the window I had first crawled out of. She stretched out a blood covered, rain slicked hand, reaching for me and shouting over the storm. I remember reaching desperately for her hand, the brick under my feet giving out under my weight. My fingers, wet from the pouring rain, slipped out of Siska’s grip. I fell._

**October 17 th**

A blonde head rested against the crisp, white sheets of a military medical bed. The owner of the soft blonde hair held the hand of the brunette in the hospital bed, even if the brunette was unresponsive. The blonde hair been in the same position for the last six months, leaving only to use the bathroom or shower. The nurses kindly cleared away the food trays every night, having given up on trying to get the blonde to leave. He took up as little space as was possible, sitting in the furthest corner. The brunette in the bed had been in a coma since two weeks before the army had found the two. He had fallen out of a fifth floor hospital window and somehow, despite being unconscious, he had managed to survive. The military medical officers had worked quickly to stabilize the young male, working to repair as much damage as they could while the army manned emergency vehicle raced out of the city.

“So much has happened…” the blonde mumbled, not bothering to lift his head off the bed. He didn’t need more of a reminder that his beloved boyfriend was at risk of never waking up again.

“Xander?” A soft, feminine voce filtered into the blonde’s mind, making him sit up. Siska smiled sadly, standing on the other side of the hospital bed. She stroked a hand through Raen’s fuzzy hair, wishing it hadn’t needed to be shaved off when they had arrived at the survival base. The fall had done a great deal of damage, and if they army hadn’t have found them, Raen would have died. It was a miracle that he had stayed alive long enough for the three of them to be discovered, hiding in a convenience store.

“He’s fully healed now,” Xander informed the girl who had become his closest friend during the last six months.

“No he just needs to wake up,” Siska sighed softly. Most of the people who had been injured were usually released days later, everyone except Raen. Together, the two older friends had watched over their youngest group member, praying to what ever gods they could think of.

“There hasn’t been any sightings this week.” Siska had taken it upon herself to keep Xander informed about everything that was going on. The deadly threat hadn’t been eliminated completely, but the hurricanes on the coasts were helping. Cities not affected by the summer rains had been scoured for survivors before being burnt to the ground. The army didn’t want to leave any place for the undead to hide when it did rain. All survivors were slowly trickling into the walled in army base. Supplies had been stock piled, taken from every city the army had been able to get to, including farmers fields and underground root cellars. The wall that kept the city contained, and the undead out, was slowly being expanded in order to add a space to plant from form of crops.

“They’re still out there,” Xander almost whispered, lowering his head back down to the bed. “They’re always going to be out there, no matter what we do.” Siska sighed, familiar with the blonde’s negative attitude.

“He’ll wake up soon,” she assured him, reaching across the bed to pat Xander’s head gently. All they could do was wait; Xander at Raen’s side, and Siska working the defense lines with the army. She knew that if she didn’t keep her mind off Raen, she would end up like Xander. Spending every moment at the brunette’s side, waiting for any sort of movement that would say that Raen was waking up. It wasn’t an option in her mind, but she was grateful that Raen would at least be able to wake up to Xander’s smiling face.

**Octorber 23 rd**

“There’s a breech on the east wall! They’re coming in! Someone hot the alarms and get the hoses working!” Siska jerked awake, quickly lifting her head off Raen’s hospital bed. She could hear the outside alarms start up and within moments Siska was on her feet.

~Was it my turn on the east wall~ she thought frantically, taking two moments to make sure Raen’s unconscious form was comfortable before she bolted out of the room. The hospital was a safe place to be, and most of the workers were simply continuing with their daily routines. Siska raced past workers and patients as quickly as she could, glad that she hadn’t removed her fatigues and weapons when she had gotten off her last shift, nearly twelve hours before. The brunette managed to get through the hospital doors before the security officers bolted them, looking down all the roads around her. She wished that she had time to get a message to Xander, to let the blonde know that she had to leave Raen alone, but there just wasn’t time for such things. Siska wasn’t looking for the fastest way to the east wall, oh no, she was waiting for the army controlled water trucks to come racing by her. She did, however, start moving in the direction of the breech, long legs effortlessly carrying her forward. The run was giving her time to think about what was going on, and how a breech was even possible. The walls that surrounded their city were roughly 50 feet in height, stretching around the city and seeming to be endless. They had been built by tearing down warehouses and stripping any unused vehicles of all their paneling. Bricks and mortar, concrete slabs and as much metal as they could find. It had been a monumental task to complete, one that had to have started the moment the outbreak had been reported. Or before it. Siska stopped dead, panting lightly as she thought about the wall and what had happened. Was it possible that someone in just over a year could construct a wall so large, so strong, that it surrounded an entire city. Such man made feats were unheard of in such a short amount of time. Then again, Siska hadn’t meant anyone in the city who had actually ‘been’  to the city before the evacuations had began. Only the army and military soldiers had said that they have been inside the city before the outbreak had started.

“Now isn’t the time to be thinking about conspiracy theories!” Siska shouted at herself. The young woman pushed her body to start moving forward again, listening for the oncoming water truck. She didn’t have to wait very long, one of the trucks taking notice of her uniform and swinging wide to pick her up.

“Thanks for the lift!” she called over the constant chatter on the truck radio. Everyone was keeping tabs on what was going on and it wasn’t a surprise that the radio was turned up loud enough that it could be heard over the ongoing alarms. The man driving the truck offered a grim smile and a quick nod, his eyes focused on the road in front of him. The wall ahead of them was crawling with the undead, piles of flesh plastering the concrete under the wall. Siska leapt from the interior of the truck before it had stopped moving, scrambling to the top of the large tank the truck was carrying. The brunette had no experience with the large spray guns that were mounted to the tops of the water trucks, but there wasn’t time to worry about such things.

“Turn the water on!” she cried, raising her voice over the sounds around them. Alarms and sirens were blaring, radio’s were turned on to their maximum volume, and people everywhere were shouting. She felt the truck cease it’s constantly rumbling under her feet, signaling that the driver had turned the truck off. While the sounds around her were drowning out almost everything, Siska’s sharp ears caught the sound of the internal pressure system in the tank below her. It meant that the secure sprayer in front of her was ready for use, and Siska wasn’t about to wait for the driver to get himself up on top of the tank. From her higher up position, she could see all those who were running around with fire hoses and buckets, trying to set up a barricade against the invading zombies. She hoped that they would be able to fend off the invasion as quickly as possible, not because people were sure to start dying, but because she really wanted to look into her theories.

~Someone knew this was going to happen…It’s possible that someone let the virus out on purpose…~

**October 31 st**

Siska screamed, holding her gun against the temple of one of the higher ranking soldiers. She knew he was one of the many where were trying to get her to stop telling people that everything was the military’s fault. That they had purposely unleashed the virus into the air and had already built the safe city before anything had actually happened.

“You planned this!” she screamed, digging the barrel of her gun into the soldier’s temple.

“You did all of this on purpose!” There was a large group of soldiers surrounding the brunette, trying to talk her into letting their commanding officer go.

“You did this because you were only thinking of yourselves! You built this city!” Siska waved her free hand around, gesturing wildly.

“You made sure the survivors had a place to go! And if we didn’t come, you would round us up!” Some of the soldiers inched closer, but Siska was watching them. She gripped her gun tighter and fisted her free hand in the soldiers hair, jerking his head back.

“We are survivors! You knew that if we survived it would mean we were strong! You used the virus to create a new army! One’s who could survive everything! Even the end of the world!” The brunette was nearly histerical and she kept pushing her gun into the man’s face.

“You ruined lives! You took our loved ones away!” A red laser sigh focussed in her turned back, the young woman unaware of the sniper that had taken aim.

“You tooka way everything we ever cared about!” The shot was silent, racing towards its target with deadly intent. Siska was still screaming her rage to the soldiers surrounding her when the bullet pierced through her spine and burst through her chest.

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Raen opened his eyes, rain pouring down on him. Siska and Xander were hovered over his body. The hospital was only five feet away and it all came to Raen in a blur. It had been a dream.


	5. Chapter 5

**April 11 th**

_I don’t know if I really understand what happened. Why, if I was in that coma, did I see everything else that was going on? Why didn’t it occure to me that I was seeing myself, laying there on that hospital bed? Siska and Xander told me that I had only been on the ground for maybe a half an hour, so why did so much time pass in my mind? How did I survive without any broken bones? There are so many questions I have, and no one who can REALLY answer them for me. I can speculate, of course. Answer myself, even if those answers probably aren’t true._

_1\. The ground was soft because of the rain._

_2\. I fell into bushes and they broke my fall._

_3\. I was unconscious for MAYBE a half an hour, but my brain had been working in overdrive, just like when you’ve been dreaming for what seems like forever, but it’s only been like…an hour._

_4\. Me waking up is the dream and I’m still in a coma_

_That last one makes the least sense to me, but I had to throw it out there._

_It’s been raining for over twenty four hours now. Everything is soaked, both outside and inside the hospital. Xander and Siska moved me to this house that we’re in now. They packed me right up to the attic before leaving to gather as many supplies as they could from the hospital. It wasn’t that everything in the hospital was wet, that wasn’t why we moved. The zombies knew where we were, and we weren’t going to chance another attack._

_If the rain keeps up…maybe we’ll have a flood…_

_They won’t be able to survive a flood…_

_They’ll all be swept away…_

_We’ll be safe at last…_

**April 13 th**

_The rain stopped not long after my last entry, much too early to start any sort of flooding. I mentioned that I wanted to relocate to some sort of lake and live in a house boat so we would always be safe. Siska laughed at me a little and Xander just held me tight. We’re not anywhere near any sort of water, so I know it’s a stupid plan. Well, stupid in the sense of that fact that we would die before we made it to the water. Smart because yes, we would always be safe and no long at risk for an attack. Maybe one day we can live on the water. I think I’m done with being on land. I want to swim every day and maybe even travel all over the world. Just me and Xander, together._

_I wonder if my parents would have liked Xander. I wonder if they would have cared that I suddenly liked guys…Would I have even met Xander if it wasn’t for this happening? I don’t think that I would have. I probably would never have realized I liked boys and eneded up being miserable with some girl. Someone like Siska! I don’t think I could ever be with someone like Siska. Even though we’re friends now (even if it’s by default, really), I still see her as being way too head strong and commanding. She really is an army girl, and it shows._

_I want the world to be okay again. I want to be able to drive my truck again, taking it on long trips and having tail-gate parties. I wouldn’t doubt that my truck has been pulled apart for parts, or burned…or something. I liked my truck…_

_My thoughts feel so random. I still don’t know how to deal with what went on in my head. I don’t want to experience anything like that ever again. I don’t want to believe that things are worse and that the army made this all happen. I don’t want that._

_We need to find a new place to live. The attic isn’t that bad, so I’m not complaining, but I think we should get out of the city. Maybe there really IS a stronghold somewhere, where we can be safe and start a new life. Where we’re all protected and people stand watch, making sure the infected don’t come into the compound and kill us while we sleep. Warm beds and solar panels that provide energy. Kids running in the streets, making do with just their imagination and tossing what ever toy they might scavenge from a basement they were relocated into. I’m thinking way too much, I know I am. I’m trying to convince myself that everything is going to be okay._

_I want everything to be okay again._

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Xander rubbed his hands over his bare arms, waiting for his freshly washed clothes to dry on the small line that was strung up in the attic. They had filled every bucket, sink, and bathrub they could find. The sink was for washing themselves with a wash cloth. The tub was being used to wash their clothes, an old scrub board and a hand powered wringer having been found in the attic. Buckets held their drinking water, something they used first before using the bottles they had. Siska had been the one to get down on her knees beside the tub, demanding all of their clothing and leaving the two boys clad in skirts made of window curtains. It was chilly in the attic, and it didn’t help that Xander didn’t like the fact that Siska was in the second floor bathroom all on her own. Raen watched through the attic window, staying as hidden as was possible, making sure that the zombies weren’t coming closer to their home. So far he hadn’t seen anything, no zombies, no survivors, nothing. It was utterly quiet outside that it was starting to freak the small brunette out.

“Something’s up…” Raen muttered to himself, gripping the edge of the window ledge, trying not to blink so he wouldn’t miss any movement outside. Xander knew it was probably the blow to the head that had screwed with Raen, but he wasn’t about to try and convince his boyfriend that nothing was going on. Raen’s body was still tender from the fall, despite not breaking any bones, and that meant that Xander wasn’t getting any sort of action. The brunette didn’t want to cuddle, stating that his ribs hurt too much. He didn’t want to kiss Xander, complaining about the swapping of germs and how neither of them could afford to get sick again. There was no way in hell that Xander was going to get Raen to have sex with him, in fact, the blonde hadn’t even bothered to try and ask. He knew the answer would be something insane, maybe even Raen claiming that he was suddenly straight. That the fall had knocked some ‘sense’ into his pretty brown head. So Xander waited patiently like a good boyfriend, supporting Raen’s mumbling and defending the slender boy from Siska’s constant questioning about the ‘dream’ Raen had had.

“She’s been down there a long time,” Xander spoke, though he was pretty sure that Raen wasn’t even paying attention to what he was saying. “I’m going to go down and make sure she’s okay.” Raen waved a hand at his side a little, though he could have passed it off as brushing something away from him. Xander sighed softly and crossed the small space to place a soft kiss on Raen’s head, ignoring the slightly dirty hair. They were waiting for the next good rain to wash their hair. Hair didn’t stink as badly as dirty bodies did.

“She’ll be fine,” Raen told him quietly, one hand darting out to grip Xander’s wrist. “There hasn’t been any movement in almost two full days. Nothing is in the house, and if there was something, her army warrior training would have let us know. We blocked off the stairs with that dresser anyways.” Xander smiled, twisting his wrist to lace his fingers with Raen’s, simply holding his hand gently.

“Tell me we’ll stay together when this is all over,” he prodded with a soft voice. Raen turned his attention away from the window to peer up at the blonde, then down at their joined hands.

“Forever,” he almost whispered, so quiet that Xander had nearly missed it. The two locked eyes and Xander took advantage of the moment, quickly swooping down and kissing his little boyfriend on the lips. Raen protested for a moment, pressing his free hand to Xander’s chest for only a few seconds before simply curling it into a fist. The kiss lasted several long, wonderful seconds before Raen pulled back. He glared half-heartedly at Xander and turned his attention back to the window.

“Still no movement,” he said with a sigh, and Xander simply stroked his fingers through his dirty, brown hair. They weren’t sure what was going on with the undead walking humans that were throughout the city, especially when they were no longer roaming the city in search of human flesh. More specifically, Xander, Raen, and Siska’s human flesh, which was always on the move.

**May 5 th**

_His name is Loki. I always liked lore, so it seemed like a fitting name. We found him abandoned in an alley dumpster, the lid closed. Xander heard him crying and we couldn’t believe he was still alive and okay. He must not have been there very long, less than a day. His mother must have left him there, hoping to spare him from being slaughtered by the walking dead. I think I would rather die quickly by zombie attack then starve to death inside a dumpster. The poor thing was wrapped in a ratty blanket and had no food or water with him._

_Siska wanted to take him from me, I mean, I’m the youngest of the group, right? She said I wasn’t going to be a fit parent, especially seeing as we’re travelling right now. But Loki is still in my arms, and I refuse to let Siska be the one to take care of him._

_And it isn’t just because I was the one who climbed into the dumpster, either. Loki needs a stable family, and I think Xander and I would be a better family than Siska, especially when the girl has her sudden fits of zombie slaughtering rage._

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“Did you change his diaper and feed him?”

“Yes Siska.”

“Did you burp him?”

“Yes. Siska.”

“What about – ”

“I’m making sure he isn’t dying Siska! I know how to take care of a baby!” Xander heaved a sigh, watching his boyfriend and his new best friend argue with one another. He could easily admit that, while Raen was still young and inexperienced, he really was doing a good job at taking care of baby Loki. The boy was healthy, as far as they could see, and Raen was better at taking care of Loki than he was at taking care of himself.

“I just think that he would benefit from having a mother,” Siska tried again, and Xander rolled his eyes at the girls attempt at logic.

“I’m pretty damn sure I’m gay enough to be considered a mother!” Raen nearly shouted, clenching one fist at his side. Loki fussed a little at Raen’s loud voice before he started crying.

“Look what you did! You woke him up!” Siska huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. Raen glared at the brunette and turned his back on her, gently rocking Loki against his chest. Xander took this moment to usher Siska away from his upset boyfriend, not that they were able to really go that far. The group was hiding in an abandoned camping trailer they had found in the middle of a forrest. Raen had been compelled to travel out of their city and out into the country, though he hadn’t been able to explain why. The further they got from the city, the quieter the undead got and the more at ease Raen felt.

“Just leave him alone already,” Xander insisted, resting one hand on Siska’s shoulder. “He’s doing his best, and he’s taking care of Loki just as well as you probably would have.”

“But…I’m the woman!”

“I’m pretty sure that no one is going to give a shit about that, especially with what has been going on. Raen is happy. Loki is happy. And you know what? I’m happy to have Raen and Loki. It’s like I have a realy family, and I really don’t want you to keep screwing that up.” Siska looked at though she was going to strike Xander in the face before she simply let out a loud sigh and nodded. The last thing the group needed was to be fighting one another, especially when it could lead to them being discovered by the walking dead. The two watched as Raen curled himself up on the large master bed of the camper, Loki resting peacefully in his arms with a bottle of formula. Luckily they had been able to secure a large amount of powdered formula, even if it had meant that their water supply was becoming even more rapidly depleated. With the spring season coming up, Raen had no worries about their water. The rain was going to come at least once a week, if not more, and it would be easy to fill their bottles again and again.

“So…Where are we going tomorrow?” Siska asked quietly, though she still wanted to demand that Loki be given over to her.

“We’re going to find the road this trailer came in on and then we’re going to follow that,” was the short answer that came from Raen.

“What’s down that road?”

“The army base, where we’ll be safe.” Even Xander had to stare at his boyfriend, wondering how Raen knew what was further up the road.

“What?” Raen lifted his head from watching Loki nurse on the bottle they had gotten, raising one of his eyebrows at both the blonde and the brunette standing near him. Siska shook her head some, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“How do you know there’s an army base?” Xander asked, moving closer to the three other members of his group. He leaned himself against the bathroom door, arms crossing over his chest.

“When I was kocked out, I didn’t just dream,” Raen explained softly, taking note that Loki was starting to fall asleep. “I think it was a premonition…”

**May 8 th**

_Xander held my body against his, the two of us pressed together against the rough bark of a tree. My body kept arching into his touches; every brush of his fingers made my nerves sing with pleasure. His lips against my throat, his fingers buried inside me. He can touch places inside me that I never knew I had. I curled one leg around his slender hips, rocking against his strong body. Rain showered down on our aroused bodies as Xander kept pushing his fingers against that sweet spot deep inside me. The heat we were generating made the cold of the rain seem like nothing. I was naked, while Xander was fully clothed, the dark of the tree cutting into my back. I didn’t care about the pain, not when Xander was making me writhe and moan in such a fashion. My toes curled as another finger pushed into my eager body, and I felt Xander fumbling with his pants. It had been awhile since Xander and I had been able to get together, mostly because we had Siska with us, but there wasn’t time to think about that. I felt every inch as Xander slid himself into my body, eased only slightly by the water pouring down on us. He always felt so good inside me, filling every inch of my insides and pressing against all the sweetest spots inside me. Luckily the sound of the rain was drowning out my loud moans, my body arching as Xander thrust deeply inside me._

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“Xander…Xander…Oh…” Raen always ended up babbling during sex, crying his pleasure to the rain with every thrust. Xander’s fingers scrambled to grip his lovers rain slicked hips, grunting as he braced his knees and thrust harder. He knew in the back of his mind that the rough bark of the tree was more than enough to be causing irritation to Raen’s smooth back, but the pleasure of the intense sex more than made up for it.

“You feel so good Raen…I can’t believe we went so long without this…” Xander mumbled, pressing his lips to Raen’s ear so he could be heard over the pouring rain. “I wish I could stay inside you forever…”

“Please…More…Harder…Xander!” Xander smirked, shifting his hips forward to take more of Raen’s weight, one hand sliding from the brunette’s hip to curl around his leaking erection.

“That’s right baby…You’re so hot…aren’t you? You’re going to cum soon…I know you are…” Each word was emphasized by Xander stroking Raen, the younger boy’s voice getting louder and louder. They rocked together, their moans growing as they came closer and closer to their release. Xander nipped at Raen’s smooth shoulder before pressing the boy tighter to the tree, thrusting faster. The substantial stint without sex was enough to make it impossible for Xander to last much longer than a virgin, his legs starting to shake from the pleasure.

“Coming…Coming…Xander…I’m coming!” Xander’s cries matched Raen’s as they came together, their bodies arching from the pleasure.

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_I’ve never felt anything so amazing than feeling Xander come inside me. It felt so amazingly hot compared to the cold rain that had been coursing down on us. My toes curled from the sheer pleasure and I felt Xander heave against me as he tried to stay standing. We stood there, panting against one another for what seemed like an hour, before the cold started to sink in. Shivering, Xander fixed his pants and helped me back into my soaked clothing. That was far from an easy feat._

_Siska predicts both of us staying in bed for at least a day, just to warm up. That sounds fine to me, and I know she likes the idea because she gets to have Loki all to herself._

**May 27 th**

_We’ve been travelling for so long now… My legs ache constantly and my feet are covered in blisters. It’s been hard to travel, now that we don’t want to risk Loki getting sick by traveling in the rain. There hasn’t been any sight or sound of any attacking undead, but we’re moving as silently as possible. For the moment everything seems to be okay, but I shouldn’t take advantage of anything. Loki’s been surprisingly quiet, and we’ve never been so thankful. If any of those damn undead heard him, we wouldn’t be able to move fast enough. I think even Siska would be hindered by Loki’s extra weight, even if she’s had some sort of army (or something…) training._

_I supposed I should be taking this pause in time to eat, instead of writing. But it’s been awhile since I’ve written anything! I’m running low on pages, and of course I wasn’t smart enough to take another notebook with me. Maybe this is a sign that this war is almost over._

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Xander stared at the large, concrete wall that stood in front of himself and the rest of the group. He had heard Raen’s description of the military base in his weird dream, and he knew they were all thinking the same thing. Maybe Raen’s dream had been more than just a normal dream. At the moment, there were more pressing matters. The zombies were eagerly closing in on the compound, and the unprotected group stranded on the outside.

“I say we get our asses - ”

“Language!” Raen snapped, but Siska continued none the less.

“We need to get moving before those groaning meat bags close in on us!” Xander glanced over his shoulder and nodded his head quickly.

“And how do we plan on getting inside?” Raen muttered, hugging his 'son' closer to his chest. The brunette wiggled his hips ever so slightly, searching frantically for some sort of entry into the compound.

“Someone let us in before we get eaten!” Siska cried, her voice echoing against the reinforced sheet metal that surrounded the military-esque outpost. It took only a few moments for the echoing shouts to scare Loki, the small child beginning to wail. Raen bit back a whine of his own, gently bouncing Loki in his arms.

“Your plan isn’t working…” Xander hissed, watching the zombie hoards come closer and closer. Loki’s cries were picking up in intensity, most likely due to the child picking up on his ‘parents’ stress and anxiety.

“You think I don’t know that?!” Siska shouted, kicking the wall in front of her. “Let us in you bastards!”

“We should try and move around to the far side, so we’re out of sight,” Raen all but whispered, holding Loki even closer to his chest. He didn’t wait for Xander or Siska to respond, instantly starting to walk. Xander only hesitated for several steps before he jogged after his brunette lover, leaving Siska on her own. Their movement was more than enough to cause the oncoming walking dead to pick up the pace, the once lumbering walk turning into a jostling run.

“Maybe my visions were wrong!” Raen cried. “Maybe this place has already been evacuated!”

“We have to keep thinking positive!” Xander called forward, groaning as his body protested the rushed actions. He was already overtired from constantly travelling, and this almost frantic escape wasn’t helping at all. Raen wasn’t handling the run much better, especially with Loki clutched against his chest.

“I want to wake up from this nightmare!” Raen’s voice carried along the metal walls, followed by his own gasping sobs. The brunette vanished around a corner, causing Xander to lose sight of him.

“Raen! Wait up!” Xander pushed himself to move faster, racing around the corner.

“Raen!” At least half a mile of barren land stretched out in front of the blonde, but there was no sign of Raen or baby Loki.

“RAEN!”

**May 30 th**

_The crying sounded so far away, almost as though I was hearing it through several muffled layers. My mind had started screaming at me to open my eyes and start moving, to pick Loki up and hold him close until he stopped crying. I wanted to so badly, but try as I might, I just couldn’t force myself to open my eyes, let alone get up. What ever I was laying on didn’t seem hard, like the ground or the rough concrete of a buildings floor. It sure wasn’t a soft, comfortable bed either. Loki’s cried stopped almost abruptly, and the terror of my beautiful ‘son’ being taken away from me, or worse, was enough to help me force my eyes open. It almost looked as though I was in a tent, but the fabric above my head looked like canvas, but there were more important things on my mind. It took some serious effort to turn my head to the side, blinking my blurry eyes in the direction where Loki’s cries had been coming from. There was an army style camping cot only two feet away, and it looked as though a small body had once been laying on it. The blankets only covered half of the cot, more than enough to act as a bed for Loki. I knew that my body wasn’t going to move, at least, not under my own power, but I wanted to find Loki. It took some effort but I was able to turn my head to the other side, though now I wish I hadn’t. My eyes went wide when I saw Siska’s bandaged body laying on the cot beside me. Blood had soaked through in many places, and I wondered what had happened to her. She had always been the strongest in our little group, so if she had been injured, what had happened to Xander? Was I injured as well?  Darkness was creeping into the edges of my vision, and I struggled to stay awake. Somehow I had survived the zombie hoards, and Loki’s strong crying had to mean that he was going to be okay. But Siska hadn’t looked as though she had been breathing, and Xander was nowhere in my line of sight._

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Raen blinked open sleepy eyes with a soft groan, hearing Loki’s high pitched wail. The brunette forced himself to sit up, fumbling to get his legs over the side of the bed.

“I’m coming Loki…” he mumbled, grabbing at the pair of crutches that lay on the floor under his cot. His shattered right let was a hindrance, but he was willing to deal with it if it meant that he was alive. He avoided looking at the empty cot behind his own, not wanting to be reminded of what had happened. Siska hadn’t been able to survive being doused in boiling tar, but her sacrifice has not been in vain. She had distracted the undead long enough that Xander, Raen, and little Loki had been able to escape. The military had brought both males, and little Loki, into the protective confines of the high walled fortress with only a moment or two to spare. Sadly, Xander had been bitten, and in order to hold off the rapidly spreading infection, the army men who had recued the ‘family’ had quickly removed Xander’s arm at the shoulder. It seemed that only Loki had come out of the horrible situation without a single scratch on him.

“He’s keeping you on your toes, isn’t it?” Raen smiled, holding Loki close as he turned to face the tent flap. Xander was still covered in bandages across his chest and shoulders, but Raen didn’t care. The man he loved was alive, he himself would heal, and together they would raise Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, there is no answer to why the zombies fell apart in water. None at all. Flame me all you want for it, I deserve it.


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